I Loved Singing Romantic Love Songs….
As a lifelong learner and synthesizer, I have always loved to study a subject in depth and then study a slightly different approach to that same subject and then another approach. For example, when I learned guitar, I studied folk, jazz and joined a rock band course. Each new instructor thought that he or she had the secret to speeding up or accelerating my learning. But for me there was no way to rush the process. More recently I have heard that it takes 10,000 hours to become proficient in any activity or endeavor. And I had a sense of that way back then.
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I had studied guitar for 7 years and I knew that I needed 3 more years to finally be ready to start improvising with confidence. But as much as I loved playing my scales, crying as I sang and played my favorite romantic love songs, I made a decision to stop practicing with my guitar while finishing up my doctoral dissertation. I was on the path to studying all about love and I could not stop.
Make The Pain Go Away – Please….
Another example of my quest to know all I could learn about whatever interested me is when I started receiving body therapy sessions. I began by seeking the best type of body therapy to alleviate my physical symptoms, which were many, as I competed in and taught lots of sports and dance activities for many years. So I probably started by receiving massages but quickly found shiatsu, Neuromusuclar therapy and other forms of deep tissue massage including several series of painful Rolfing sessions. I also received and studied some very gentle methods, such as Trager and Seven Rays, Alexander Technique and the Feldenkrais Method. Deep breathing, rebirthing, and primal scream led to my quest for deeper understanding of my blocked and suppressed emotions. My emotional armoring was harshly broken into with many session of Bioenergetic Analysis and more gently nudged with Craniosacral Therapy, Somatoemotional Release and finally my main training that forms the basis of my work, the very gentle yet deeply powerful Rubenfeld Synergy Method of talk and touch. When I started my own mindbody therapy practice, I thought I could help cure my clients in one or two sessions. And then I realized that I had gone to see literally hundreds of different practitioners and none of them was able to heal and cure all of my problems in one session or 10 sessions. What was I thinking?
Building Wealth Online Will Be So Easy….
More recently, I developed a strong interest in learning more and more about how the internet works, what makes people successful online, why some people gather huge followings why others write wonderful blogs that nobody reads. As my interest has grown in this area, so has my attraction to, and belief in, many self-proclaimed online “gurus.” They promise that their unique method will take away years and years of struggle and help their students to quickly become rich and famous superstars online. Years and thousands of dollars later I realize that creating an online presence and building a following takes years of study, learning and developing the required skills. There is no quick and easy method that will painlessly take us from being a newbie to a successful accomplished entrepreneur with a huge following and an even larger bank account. There is a learning curve that cannot be avoided in any life pursuit.
If I Could Only Meet The Right Partner….
So, why do so many of us think that our most intimate relationships can and will and should happen instantly and last indefinitely? Why do we believe that if we could only meet the “right partner” our loving relationship will quickly blossom into lifelong passionate love? Why do we want to believe that the love of our life is just waiting to find us, with all of our nasty and unreasonable habits, and that there is very little we can do to accelerate love?
The partners we choose to be with, bond with and spend years together with can and will affect our sense of being loved. But not in the way most of us believe. Every person we meet is a mirror for us, reflecting back to us the way we are thinking, feeling and behaving in the world. Our thoughts are transmitted through our body posturing and our energetic fields. We may think we are being so loving but the other person may be picking something up from that we have no idea we are putting out there.
I watched beginning guitar players strum their guitars,apparently proud of their ability to play. The people listening, however, did not always appreciate the sounds. Similarly, often when I have taken a continuing education course in some form of body therapy, the touch of my fellow students does not always feel good. Since they are trying to do something new, their nervousness can yield strong tension that I feel as they attempt to practice the new skill on me as their partner. Through touch, we reveal so much about our thoughts and feelings, fears and insecurities, manipulative goals, and loving intentions. And we reveal all of that with our very presence. There is no place to hide. Our existence reveals who we are.
The Reality Is….
So, the next time you find yourself complaining about the men or women you are dating, living with, working with, playing with or just acquainted with, imagine that he or she is just a mirror, revealing to you who you are being in that moment. If you feel that the burden is too great, it is too difficult for you to see the world that way, then feel free to keep your blinders on. By not seeing the reality of the way the world is, you remain stuck in your familiar patterns. And you will continue to get the same results you have always gotten.
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