Are You Sexually Secure?

Sexual Reawakening Virtual Summit

Sex is Everywhere

In the News, on TV, in Magazines, on the Web

What we see are images of happy men and women, smiling, laughing, hugging and often either getting ready or actually engaging in some type of sexual activity. It all seems so frivolous, careful and filled with excitement. Sexual connections are portrayed as easy and fun or silly and difficult. But the real issues that most of us face, at some moments in our lives, are rarely addressed in the media. Yes, the drug companies now encourage us to buy erection enhancing drugs to supposedly instantly fix our problems. But do they work as well as we are led to think they do?


Have you ever felt sexually insecure, anxious, inadequate, fearful or different?

You may be one of the rare individuals who has it all together, who has always managed to find a loving sexual partner, who has enjoyed every sexual encounter, and has always found it easy to express what you want and easily have your needs met.  Maybe, if this is true for you, then you can share your secret with the rest of us.

The bottom line is that sexuality, sexual expression, getting our sexual needs met, fulfilling our sexual desires, and enjoying sexual pleasure and intimate loving is often NOT EASY.  And we can struggle for years, even a lifetime, being unable to ever create a truly intimate connection.

In order for long term sexual intimacy to develop, many factors have to be in place and work synergistically.  There are many reasons why sexual connections can go astray, lack fulfillment and leave us feeling frustrated, hurt, confused, angry, and even ashamed.  Over time it may become increasingly difficult to overcome our problems alone.

Many well-meaning coaches and love experts provide simple solutions, easy to follow steps and formulas, to help us attract and keep the love we desire.  However, very often these techniques only work for awhile.  We may be able to meet someone who appears to be the love of our life.  We may feel mutual attraction and start and incredibly romantic and exciting relationship – for some period of time.  And then ….

The inevitable moment occurs.  The hormones die down.  Our unconditional acceptances gives way to expectations, demands, disappointment and lots of judgments – often unfavorable.  Our knight in shining armor has lost his glitter.  Our ideal princess has lost her charm.  Should we throw in the towel, break up and start looking for someone new?


What we are left with is the real human being.

When that lustful phase ends and we start getting to know the other person, those previously charming person may now reveal some really annoying personality traits.  Our own insecurities may get triggered or we find we are often blamed for the other person’s problems.  And once the initial period of totally loving acceptance wears off, we may discover profound differences in our sexual desires, interests, style and expression.  We may find ourselves creating more and more distance rather than opening up to deeper and more loving intimacy.  What can we do to bring back the passion and love?



Please share in the comments below about your own personal experiences with passion, intimacy and love.

What is the solution?

Hint, hint! It has something to do with first understanding yourself, then understanding your partner, and learning what it really takes to love yourself and another person.

Contact Me for a healing love consultation.

Learn how to love so that you can create or re-create your own loving relationship.
Get on the Early List for the next 30 Day Love Challenge and watch out for the upcoming Love Lessons for the Soul course.

In the meantime….


Love Me Touch Me Heal Me Book











Love Touch Heal Relationship System








With love and caring,


Dr. Erica





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Dr. Erica Goodstone is a Spiritual Relationship Healing Expert helping men and women heal their bodies and their relationships through love. Having presented her comprehensive relationship healing programs throughout the U.S. and Canada over several decades, she has helped literally 1000's of men and women to heal through learning how to love. Dr. Erica believes "Where There is Love There IS a Way". When you love, accept, listen and pay attention to your body, trust your own sense of what you truly desire, and strive to understand, appreciate and really know the other people in your life, anything and everything is possible.

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14 thoughts on “Are You Sexually Secure?

  1. II love the insight you give about relationships and communication. I learn something each time I visit. I didn’t communicate my wants to my first husband like I do with my second. I just knew I didn’t want to be in the same place. Get it right or be alone. Thanks Erica

    • Hi Lydia,
      I’m glad you realized the importance of expressing your feelings, not just to improve your marital relationship but also for your own health and well being. So many illnesses have their origins in unexpressed emotions that create internal turmoil and lower the immune system.


  2. Hello Dr. Erica , Somewhere along the way between my first and second marriage I learned that I would not find myself in an emotionally healthy and sexual relationship if I wasn’t honest with myself about what I wanted and didn’t want in a relationship and be willing to convey that to another person.
    I set good boundaries for myself and with my husband when we dated and this has been the foundation of a really great partnership. Thanks for your post.

  3. Hi Erica,

    Interesting post about the heavy emphasis put upon human sexuality.

    I’m no expert, but creating a compatible sexual relationship with someone you admire, like and want to nurture, is second only to living a life true to yourself.

    I doubt if I’ll fully complete either. Yet, it’s comforting that setbacks are learning experiences and not failures.

    As other commentators have noted, we’re ill-suited to sustain any relationship, whatever the flavor, until we know, like and accept ourselves.

    Personally, I’ve been faithful to the same woman for 4 decades – without regret – yet, we’re not always in sync sexually, spiritually, socially and never politically!

    Love your blog,

  4. Hi, Erica, like always an excellent post about a difficult subject for many.
    It is true sex is everywhere and we see a lot of images which give
    a false impression about what a relationship really is . It awakes
    expectations who can not be fulfilled and lead often into an emotional
    disaster which is not easy to heal . It really needs help ,good to get it
    before making decisions ,but necessary if it happened to somebody.
    To have a good and caring coach, in this case, is important .
    I would really recommend you to anybody with relationship problems
    because I know you long enough ,I did read your articles and books and
    you really can help .
    Thank you

    • Erika,
      I just saw your comment today. Sorry for the long delay.
      Yes, there are many people who are struggling with unrealistic expectations
      about sexuality and this causes a lot of stress for married couples, especially
      when they also have little children.


  5. Hi Erica,

    You really do understand the sexual being within us all. Indeed, it is complicated but we all must get in touch with it. We have to first know ourselves in order to choose a good intimate partner. It took me a very long time to find that one out.

    But we, as humans are always growing and changing so we do have to be aware of that also and give ourselves a “check up” so we are not in a rut.

    Thanks so much.


    • Donna,

      You always respond with such wisdom from a life well lived. What so many individuals and couple fail to do is the piece about introspection. It is so much easier to ignore those nagging feelings we get over time. It is also so much easier to blame the other person. When we take the time and do the inner work, we discover it is always about us and our changing inner landscape.


      Dr. Erica

  6. Hi Erica, Great post. I’m not sure how much to reveal but my first marriage was as you described, after the initial lustful phase was over, it was disappointment, frustration and eventually separation and divorce.

    My second husband and this baffles me that he was so attentive, loving and open, considering his unhappy childhood and he showed me how different the two worlds can be. With him, there was no longer any shyness, self-consciousness or doubts of any kind. Right from the beginning, we talked and let each other know what we wanted and it never stopped until a month before his death. I am such a lucky woman to have those times and remember them and if I ever consider another relationship, I will never settle for less.

    • Monna,

      Maybe your 2nd husband needed time to overcome his childhood hurts. His time in the service may have helped him to realize what matters most to him. And then when he met you, he was older, and was able to appreciate you as you are. That was a very special and wonderful relationship. Glad you realize that and feel such fond memories of what it is like to be really loved in a loving relationship.



  7. Hi Dr. Erica,
    Love visiting your blog. I think that everything is connected the relationship, the passion, the needs and understanding your partner.
    Thank you for sharing!

    • Emi,
      Yes, everything is related. We often forget that and think we can do one thing one way and it won’t affect the rest of our life or anyone else. Not true. We have to think carefully about what we say and what we do, and even what we think along the way.
      Dr. Erica

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