What is the color of love?
Do you know the color personality preference styles of the people you spend most time with, care most about, or with whom you are attempting to create an intimate connection?
If you approach all people with the same words and attitudes and behaviors, you will be surprised and often hurt by the responses you get. The same loving behaviors that lead one person to be willing to follow you to the ends of the earth may absolutely repel another person.
True, there may be some people with an emotional, physical, psychological or spiritual problem that is just not available for intimate connection. But there are many other people that will respond when treated in a certain way that matches their needs, desires and preferences. The solution has something to do with colors.
Based on the Herrmann Brain Dominance Model (a comprehensive model to understand how people think, believe and behave), Bill Stierle recently provided a powerful training in South Florida that forever changed the participants’ perspectives about how to succeed in relationships. Using a simple set of checklist items, each of us was able to determine what our predominant personality style is like – our needs, preferences, basic learning style, frustrations and annoyances, what we appreciate, and the way we want to be treated. And then we selected our second and third styles. The remaining 4th style, for most of us, was the aspect we tend to avoid and are not very skilled at being and doing.
Why Do We Choose Partners With Opposite Color Styles?
In our most intimate partner choices, we often tend to select someone whose 1st or 2nd personality style is just the one that is 4th on our list. At first, this seems like a match made in heaven. The other person easily fulfills certain tasks that may be problematic for us. For example, I may be a creative, free thinking person with lots of ideas and different interests. My partner, on the other hand, may be very good at calculating risks, tracking finances and keeping to a productive schedule. Although this may work for awhile, very often the creative, free thinking person begins to feel stifled while the methodical, organized person feels frustrated and angry. Each of us may start blaming the other for not acknowledging us, not understanding us, or for actually sabatoging the relationship.
If you want to create positive interactions and solid communication that brings out the best in the other person, it is important for you to know and understand that person’s unique personality style. It is also essential for you to understand your own way of interacting in the world. When you understand the similarities and differences between you and anyone you are involved with, you can much more easily put the other person at ease and open the way for both to feel acknowledged, appreciated and connected. Once you learn this simple yet profound key to different personality types, you will wonder how you ever got along without knowing this. You will never look at other people quite the same way again.
Do You Recognize Yourself and Other People You Know?
- Which color describes you best?
- Which color describes your partner, your business associate, your family member or your best friend?
It begins by discovering what is the first and most important question you ask in most situations? Then, decide what is the second question you ask and then the third. Finally, notice which is the last question you tend to focus on in most situations.
- Asks: “What?”
- Analyzer: Analyzes facts, uses logic, rational approach
- Frustrated by: Excessive chatter, illogical content, too much flexibility, unable to challenge
- Wants: Precise facts
- Reacts: Unemotionally
- Appreciates: Good debate, good analysis, wise use of time
- Asks: “How?”
- Organizer: Acquires skills through practice, evaluates and tests theories, likes structured sequences
- Frustrated by: Unstructured and unpredictable events, out of control atmosphere, incomplete sentences
- Wants: Neatness and punctuality
- Reacts: Cautiously
- Appreciates: Very low risk, scheduled appointment
- Asks: “Who?”
- Personalizer: Listens and shares ideas, emotional, feeling, experiential
- Frustrated by: Impersonal approach, lack of eye contact, no sensory input, no team or shared experience
- Wants: To feel enthusiastic
- Reacts: Spontaneously
- Appreciates: Sensitivity to feelings and harmonious approach
- Asks: “Why?”
- Visualizer: Takes initiative, explores hidden possibilities, constructs and synthesizes content
- Frustrated by: Overly structured and predictable, no overview, no connection to other approaches
- Wants: Freedom to explore, long-term objectives, metaphors, idea chunks, conceptual framework
- Reacts: By thinking about it
- Appreciates: newness, fun, minimal details, initiative, and imagination
Based upon this limited information, some of you will immediately recognize yourself and the people who are close to you (your spouse, parents, children, friends, co-workers). But the key to using this system is to know the different types so well that you can meet a total stranger and understand that person’s needs, desires and how to best communicate with him or her to achieve the best outcome for both.
Spend some time reviewing this by yourself and with someone who knows you well. If you understand your own automatic response style and you know what another person wants, appreciates and feels frustrated by, you can begin to create magical relationship moments with ease.
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