Color Your Relationships for Love

What is the color of love? 

Do you know the color personality preference styles of the people you spend most time with, care most about, or with whom you are attempting to create an intimate connection? 

If you approach all people with the same words and attitudes and behaviors, you will be surprised and often hurt by the responses you get.  The same loving behaviors that lead one person to be willing to follow you to the ends of the earth may absolutely repel another person.

Colors of Love

Colors of Love

True, there may be some people with an emotional, physical, psychological or spiritual problem that is just not available for intimate connection.  But there are many other people that will respond when treated in a certain way that matches their needs, desires and preferences.  The solution has something to do with colors.

Based on the Herrmann Brain Dominance Model (a comprehensive model to understand how people think, believe and behave), Bill Stierle recently provided a powerful training in South Florida that forever changed the participants’ perspectives about how to succeed in relationships.   Using a simple set of checklist items, each of us was able to determine what our predominant personality style is like – our needs, preferences, basic learning style, frustrations and annoyances, what we appreciate, and the way we want to be treated. And then we selected our second and third styles.  The remaining 4th style, for most of us, was the aspect we tend to avoid and are not very skilled at being and doing.

Why Do We Choose Partners With Opposite Color Styles?

In our most intimate partner choices, we often tend to select someone whose 1st or 2nd personality style is just the one that is 4th on our list.  At first, this seems like a match made in heaven.  The other person easily fulfills certain tasks that may be problematic for us.  For example, I may be a creative, free thinking person with lots of ideas and different interests.  My partner, on the other hand, may be very good at calculating risks, tracking finances and keeping to a productive schedule.  Although this may work for awhile, very often the creative, free thinking person begins to feel stifled while the methodical, organized person feels frustrated and angry.  Each of us may start blaming the other for not acknowledging us, not understanding us, or for actually sabatoging the relationship.

If you want to create positive interactions and solid communication that brings out the best in the other person, it is important for you to know and understand that person’s unique personality style.  It is also essential for you to understand your own way of interacting in the world.  When you understand the similarities and differences between you and anyone you are involved with, you can much more easily put the other person at ease and open the way for both to feel acknowledged, appreciated and connected. Once you learn this  simple yet profound key to different personality types, you will wonder how you ever got along without knowing this.  You will never look at other people quite the same way again.

Do You Recognize Yourself and Other People You Know?

  • Which color describes you best? 
  • Which color describes your partner, your business associate, your family member or your best friend?

It  begins by discovering what is the first and most important question you ask in most situations?  Then, decide what is the second question you ask and then the third.  Finally, notice which is the last question you tend to focus on in most situations.


  • Asks:   “What?”
  • Analyzer:   Analyzes facts, uses logic, rational approach
  • Frustrated by:   Excessive chatter, illogical content, too much flexibility, unable to challenge
  • Wants:    Precise facts
  • Reacts:   Unemotionally
  • Appreciates:  Good debate, good analysis, wise use of time


  • Asks:   “How?”
  • Organizer:   Acquires skills through practice, evaluates and tests theories, likes structured sequences
  • Frustrated by:   Unstructured and unpredictable events, out of control atmosphere, incomplete sentences
  • Wants:   Neatness and punctuality
  • Reacts:  Cautiously
  • Appreciates:  Very low risk, scheduled appointment


  • Asks:   “Who?”
  • Personalizer:  Listens and shares ideas, emotional, feeling, experiential
  • Frustrated by:   Impersonal approach, lack of eye contact, no sensory input, no team or shared experience
  • Wants:   To feel enthusiastic
  • Reacts:   Spontaneously
  • Appreciates:   Sensitivity to feelings and harmonious approach


  • Asks:   “Why?”
  • Visualizer:   Takes initiative, explores hidden possibilities, constructs and synthesizes content
  • Frustrated by:   Overly structured and predictable, no overview, no connection to other approaches
  • Wants:   Freedom to explore, long-term objectives, metaphors, idea chunks, conceptual framework
  • Reacts:   By thinking about it
  • Appreciates:   newness, fun, minimal details, initiative, and imagination

Based upon this limited information, some of you will immediately recognize yourself and the people who are close to you (your spouse, parents, children, friends, co-workers).  But the key to using this system is to know the different types so well that you can meet a total stranger and understand that person’s needs, desires and how to best communicate with him or her to achieve the best outcome for both.

Spend some time reviewing this by yourself and with someone who knows you well.  If you understand your own automatic response style and you know what another person wants, appreciates and feels frustrated by, you can begin to create magical relationship moments with ease.

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Here’s to living your life in love



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Dr. Erica Goodstone is a Spiritual Relationship Healing Expert helping men and women heal their bodies and their relationships through love. Having presented her comprehensive relationship healing programs throughout the U.S. and Canada over several decades, she has helped literally 1000's of men and women to heal through learning how to love. Dr. Erica believes "Where There is Love There IS a Way". When you love, accept, listen and pay attention to your body, trust your own sense of what you truly desire, and strive to understand, appreciate and really know the other people in your life, anything and everything is possible.

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25 thoughts on “Color Your Relationships for Love

  1. My ex husband was most definitely a blue and seemed bluer as the years went on. We did complement each other well for years but I either turned more yellow or just began to recognize the differences more when the children were older and did not take up so much of my time. 24 years on the contrast seemed to great.
    hihowru recently posted…How To Protect Your Blog From CopyingMy Profile

    • Sue,

      I believe that relationships are the perfect place for us to learn about our selves. At first, we tend to choose someone who complements us and who handles the emotions and tasks that we have difficulty with. As we spend time together, each of us learns from the other and can gradually develop some of those skills on our own. Over time, when the differences are great and we have learned what we needed to learn, we may not need the other person to handle our emotions. Gradually, we are becoming more complete within our own self and want to be with a partner who allows our completeness to shine.


      Dr. Erica

    • Sarupa,

      There are many ways to view the meanings of colors. The chakras are associated with specific colors and different systems label personality types according to colors instead of other types of terminology.

      Would love to hear more about your understanding of colors.


      Dr. Erica

  2. Hi Dr. Erica,
    isn’t it facinating how many different personalities there are and different ways of telling them. Your way of interpreting the colors is interesting.
    I came across a similar one a few years ago in which the yellows where the compassionate, the reds straight to the point the blues the social butterflies and the greens the figures and facts. (the very condensensed version)

    Thank you so much for sharing your knowlegde!
    Love and Light
    Yorinda Wanner recently posted…Unlimited Possibilities and ImaginationMy Profile

  3. I found that very interesting, Dr Erica. Your description of the different types certainly helps when recognizing how people feel. What is most interesting to me, though, is that I have found that people tend to change from time to time, depending on how they are feeling. Most of us, I believe, have some traits of each of these personalities, but tend to home in to one of them, especially under stress.

    Does that agree with your experience, or am I just confused?

    Alan Jenkin recently posted…The Importance Of Recognition In Business And LifeMy Profile

  4. Dr. Erica,
    wow, this is a whole program you got here..
    I was aware of all what you wrote BUT not as you wrote it, I knew by experiences that come along here and there along life an dyes with all kinds of relationships…
    I see my self an all colorful person… as soon as I read the first color (blue) I say to my self, that is who I am.. then I continue reading all the other 3 colors and found myself there as well… so at the end I was confused.

    Then I went back to read again to figure out if I missed anything, and again I seen my self in all of them, so I surrender, either I do not know my self, or I did not understand what it is written or I need to take the workshop my self haha 🙂

    Very Interesting article Dr. Erica, your deep studies into this topic sure shows in all your articles.

    Thanks so much for sharing.
    nick catricala recently posted…A picture is worth 100 words…My Profile

  5. I am deffinately a yellow, love yellow… love when I mix with red, I can get a very light orange, almost a peach color.. very sothing … My husbands is blue, I am the bird that flys as often as possible. He’s the bird that flys only when he needs to… LOL. Interesting post ….
    Lesly Federici recently posted…Groove’n In Second PlaceMy Profile

  6. Hi Dr.Erica,

    What a post! Good content, an interesting and appealing title, lists and 4 (!) calls to action at the end. I usually use 1-2 calls to action. It seems you think differently.

    Color of love? Nice metaphor. I like to think freely and have a lot of ideas and different interests. My wife is very good at calculating risks and keeping a productive schedule. This has been working for more than 16 years. No boring. Each of us have what the other one wants.
    Psychology of colors is a very, very interesting domain. I always search for more information in this field.
    Thank you for the post

    Have a wonderful day
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