Love, that elusive feeling and all inclusive word, seems to mean so much to all of us. When we are longing for love, it becomes the answer to our prayers, the solution to our problems, the remedy for our low self-esteem, and the quick fix for our lack of self-love. We “love” this other person who “appears” to be the most suitable savior we can find.
How do we know that we “love” this other person? Well, he or she seems to offer benefits that we want and value and believe we need. For example, we may desire someone extremely good looking so that we can say to the world: “Look how special I am because this beautiful person “loves” me.” “Look how clever I am because this brilliant/wealthy/successful/talented person wants to be with me.” Many of su do not believe we have these unique capabilities or that we can acquire these benefits on our own. We “love” this other person and long to build a relationship as the quickest route to getting our needs met, an easy way to feel by association “as if” we do have those coveted qualities.
So, if our chosen love object reciprocates, responds favorably to our love requests, and bestows upon us all the benefits we are seeking, we may actually believe that our love is strong and growing and invincible. We may start to feel puffed up and overconfident because of how special we think we must be to have attained this wonderful person’s love and affection.
Then what happens if this desired person does not reciprocate and does not show an interest in being with us? And what if this once beautiful person loses their sexy, healthy appearance, exhausts their financial reserves, develops an addiction problem, becomes emotionally unbalanced, and stops making us feel proud and special, safe and secure, loved, appreciated and even acknowledged? Does our love stop here? Do we say: “This is not what I signed up for. I’m out of here.”
Love is not love that is seeking to get, receive and be bestowed upon. Love is not love that gets easily distracted and sidetracked. Love is not love that backs away and runs for the hills when the going gets tough.
What, then, is this elusive quality referred to as love. I believe that love is a state of being in which we no longer “demand,” “expect” or even “need” to receive what we want and get our needs met. Love is a state of acceptance and long suffering. Love seeks to reassure a frightened child that mommy will not go away. Love seeks to reassure an angry, frustrated man or woman that love will not disappear. Love seeks to comfort a self-destructive partner. Love seeks to assist another person to return to self-love.
Love always asks “What can I do for you?” rather than “What can you do for me?” And love never forgets “me.” Love begins by asking “What resources do I have to offer this other person?” If I do not have money and this person needs money, I may not be able to provide money and also take care of myself. Love would ask instead “What can I do to help this person attain money?”
Love is not love when we give to another person everything he or she wants and needs. When we love, our goal is boost the other person’s self-esteem, self-worth, self-initiative and self-determination. The question to ask is: How can I use the resources I have to assist this other person to access their own resources?”
Love is the most wonderful experience in life. And there are no quick and easy shortcuts. Love is discerning. Love requires patience, practice and self-soothing. Love is a creative expression of all that we can be in this lifetime.
How have you given and received love? Do you recognize the difference between loving in order to receive benefits and loving in order to share yourself and lighten the burdens of another person?
CALL ME for a FREE Consultation. I can help you get where you want to go.
Listen to the FREE INTERVIEW to Create Loving Relationships
Read a LOVING BOOK
Get the life-changing HEALING THROUGH LOVE or LOVE TOUCH HEAL Seminars. *Note – Special discounted pricing won’t last. Get it NOW before it’s taken down.
Here’s to living your life in love
Please take a moment to share how you have overcome your inner critic or if you could use some help right now.
Here’s to living your life in love