Get From Where You Are To Where You Want To Be

Florist in India




You’re single, or you want to be single and you’re anxious to get out of your current relationship. Your dating experience may range from never having had a date before, having dated for months or years, having serial monogamous relationships, or maybe you have recently ended a relationship.

You may be in your 20’s or early 30’s looking for passionate romance and the opportunity to create a family with someone you love. You may be in your late 30’s to early 40’s with a time bomb ticking inside you that it is now or never. Maybe you are in your late 40’s or 50’s still looking to find that one special partner, even though you have never made a real commitment before. Or maybe you have already tied the knot, once or several times before, yet you are once again searching to find the one. Perhaps you are even older, 60, 65, 70 or beyond with that romantic, life long dream still smoldering inside of you.

The truth is that the quest for love never ends. As humans we are ultimately alone, we are born into the world alone and we die alone, no matter how many people are present at these momentous life events. So, our lifelong quest is to overcome that fear of isolation and aloneness by merging with a another human being.

Some of us manage to find that intimate connection with a beloved pet. They provide the attention, continuous love and affection we may crave. But a pet does not have the capacity to respond to your words and actions with compassionate, empathic and insightful words. Other humans can, and often do, help us to cope with and even overcome some of our deepest fears and insecurities. With other humans we can develop an intimate bond that sustains us through all the trials and tribulations that life throws at us.

Your dream of love is very real – and often quite raw. Most of us have not yet fulfilled our childhood dreams of finding that one person who will do it all and be everything we want and desire and need. Some of us, however, have discovered the secret to attracting and creating passionate love that endures.




Are You Ready for Love?

What is the ONE KEY TO CREATING RELATIONSHIPS THAT LAST? I believe the real key is to make a clear decision, a definite choice, and an absolute intention to love. The next steps, attracting, dating and commitment will follow naturally. But don’t be fooled by words. Saying you are ready for love and actually BEING READY FOR LOVE are not the same – and don’t confuse them. How do you know when you are ready for love? Read more.





How do you attract the love of your life, someone who is awed by your beauty and sex appeal, entranced by your shining personality and eager to spend the rest of his or her life with you exclusively? The first part can be easy for someone with natural beauty, someone who is tall, slender, shapely with properly proportioned facial features or just fits the current image of beauty. The second part can be easy for someone with an outgoing personality, a clever wit, or intellectual prowess. But even if you happen to be someone who easily attracts and easily awes the men or women of your interest, the third part is not easy for anyone. No matter how easily you have attracted a partner, that intense attraction and hormonal desire flooding your system WILL eventually fade and simmer down. After awhile, having attained the love of your life dream, the reality of life hits and only the wise survive.

So if you do not fit into the mold of super beauty, super attractiveness or super intelligence, you really have nothing to worry about. Not everyone is seeking super anything. Many of us have been burned so badly by someone who looked the part or spoke the part but did not come through in the end.

When you are finally READY FOR LOVE the qualities you seek, the beauty you see, the sex appeal that stimulates you, is no longer just the outer appearance and superficial qualities that may have attracted you before. When you have been disappointed, disillusioned or hurt in love relationships, you begin to seek the comfort and find joy in connecting with a partner who shows interest, affection and tenderness toward you. You begin to understand what you really want, what will truly sustain your love and interest over time, and you no longer want to waste your precious time on frivolous flirtations.

Follow the law of attraction. Realize that you are operating at a certain vibrational frequency. When your thoughts and emotions are elevated to a higher frequency, you will naturally attract others operating at that level. So notice who you find appealing and who is attracted to you. Pay attention. Do those people have the qualities you believe will help you to feel satisfied and fulfilled over time? If not, then make a decision early on, before your emotions take hold of you and interfere with your conscious thinking process.




Even if you are really ready for love, you cannot always know instantly whether another person is “the one” for you. What you do know is whether or not you find that person physically appealing, if you like the sound of their voice, their attitude and demeanor, and whether or not you feel good while with this person. Trust your body. Trust your gut. Notice how your body feels while you are spending time with another person.

Keep your early interactions short and fun. Find some shared interests, common ground for light and easy conversation and activity. Find out as much as you can about the other person’s prior relationships and family background. They will share a lot with you before you start to date and they begin to hold back to feel safe. Create enjoyable moments together without thinking about the future. Most relationships will only be temporary, and this may be one of those. So don’t take it too seriously from the start, no matter how attentive and apparently attracted the other person is.

Control your emotions. Remember that a person you have just met knows nothing about you except what you reveal. So if you quickly show insecurity, neediness, anger, abuse, that is all that they know about you. It is much harder to change that first impression than it is to gradually share more and more about yourself.

In the early interactions be playful, be mysterious, be sexy and appealing, be feminine. Let yourself feel like a sensual and appealing woman. Let the man feel like a powerful and strong man.






A man who is single often enjoys his single life. Even if he has always struggled to connect with women, he has had that opportunity and freedom available to him. Once he makes a commitment to be exclusive with you, that freedom will be curtailed. He may not be as free to talk with and share activities with his female, or even his male, friends. His weekends will be spent with you and that may stop him from doing some of the things he is used to doing, even such things as sleeping late. His personal self-indulgences may be limited. If he usually hangs out with the guys at a local pub or plays cards or sports or stays late at business, he may find himself unable to keep up those activities as you start expecting to be with him. He may want to end the relationship but has developed emotional ties and guilt feelings that keep him with you. His financial independence and his home space may be affected by making a commitment to you.


What A WOMAN May LoSe In A COMMITTED Relationship


When you are single, your friends are very important to you. You may spend hours on the phone or meet regularly for coffee, to meet men at local events, to travel together, to participate in sports or other activities. Once you are in a relationship, your nights and weekends may be taken up with him and his life, and maybe even his children. Your personal self-indulgences may be limited, such as shopping sprees, binge eating, drinking with your male and female friends at parties or bars. You may feel you want to break up but you may have become financially or emotionally tied to him. To break up, you may need to leave his space and find a new home or get him to leave your space.




Once you have both declared openly that you are a couple, exclusive, committed to each other, your relationships with the people around you may naturally change. Now, when either of your friends or your family invite you to an event, they have to decide if they will include your partner. All sorts of emotional ups and downs may result. Your identity becomes that of a couple and each of you needs to include the other when you make decisions, both small and large. The friendships that each of you have developed over the years may be threatened because the friends do not like you or your partner or one of you does not want to be around the other person’s friends or family.

Once you get into an exclusive relationship it is so important to keep a strong sense of yourself, to maintain boundaries around what you will and will not tolerate and accept. You have become a unit and you need to consider the other person in many ways. You are no longer just a single person alone.




All of us have commitment issues whether we choose to admit this or not. Just ask a person to do a 30 day challenge, as I have done with my 30 Day Love Challenge. People get excited. They jump in and say to themselves “I can do this”.






And that’s just a 30 day commitment to a course that help transform their love life. Imagine how difficult it is to make a commitment to be “the one” for another person, not just for 30 days, but for the rest of your liFE. That is no small task and must be considered clearly and unemotionally.




  • He doesn’t like labels, does not want to make your relationship well known, won’t tell his friends or family, and even actually denies it when he talks to his female friends.
  • He tells you he has to focus on his education, his work, his career, his children, his aging parents, his health, his body – everything but building a solid relationship with you.
  • You haven’t actually met his friends or his family or maybe only briefly but he spends a lot of time with them without you.
  • He only makes plans with you the last minute which can feel exciting at first but does not give you an ability to plan your time together.
  • You only see him during the week, not on weekends, and maybe not even at night, or he always has to rush home early at night.
  • He praises you and makes all kinds of dreamy promises about what you will do together but does not come through and actually do the things he says he will do.
  • He doesn’t say “I love you” or he says it but does not show any real emotion toward you and you keep needing his reassurance because something is making you feel insecure with him.
  • He shares intimately with female friends online and in person, yet he denies any sexual interest or contact with them.
  • He is still strongly connected to one or more of his exes and you often feel compared and as if you do not measure up favorably.
  • He has a wandering eye when you are together and he sometimes flirts openly with other women.




  • Is she involved with him out of loneliness, fear of never finding the right person or because he really does fit her love and relationship dream.
  • Is she still pining over her ex and clinging to this new person, perhaps to get back at him or to prove to the world that he no longer matters to her.
  • Has she stated her relationship goals and desires and expectations clearly and has he responded in ways that she finds appropriate and satisfying.
  • Is she being intimate too quickly, before they really know each other, so that she is letting her sensual desires and emotions cloud her thinking.
  • Is she looking for someone to take care of her or for her to rescue and care for – or – is this a really equal, loving relationship.
  • Is she seeing the real man or the perceived potential of someone who is emotionally immature and possibly unable to be a real loving partner in an exclusive relationship.
  • Is she focused more on pleasing him and winning him over than on discovering what both like, don’t like, and share in common with each other.
  • Has she been overlooking and excusing his flaws, inappropriate and even negative behavior and red flags of abuse or commitment phobia.
  • Is she making unfair demands, attempting to control or change him, nagging and demanding and whining and complaining?




  • Are you both on the same page about your physical and sexual health, using condoms, getting tested, eating similar types of food, exercising or participating in sports?
  • Are you both at a similar level of intellect, financial security, artistic creativity, business acumen, and how much does any of that matter to either of you?
  • Do you have matching spiritual beliefs and practices?
  • Are you able to talk openly and freely with each other about what really matters to each of you?
  • Have you discussed both of your lifestyle dreams and goals and are they in alignment?
  • Are your relationship styles and interpersonal expectations compatible?
  • Do you share your emotions, affection and sexuality together openly, intimately with ability to be vulnerable, compassionate, kind and loving?




I always tell my clients that at the very beginning of a relationship you know almost nothing about another person. You need to learn about their background, their upbringing, their dreams and desire, fears and insecurities, early hurts and disappointments and even abuse. You need to understand what their previous relationships were like and also the state of their current relationships with their family, friends, lovers, co-workers, neighbors, etc.

So I recommend that you give a relationship at least 30 days before you make any conclusions about who this person is and how they will be in a long term relationship. And that is just the beginning. At this point, just enjoy meeting and getting to know a new person who appears to have potential for you.

Next test stop is at 6 months. A person can hide a lot for a few days or weeks but it gets more difficult to keep hiding over time. If someone is still in love with an ex, they may stop talking for an entire month but probably won’t last 6 months.

Next test stop is at 1 year. By the end of a year, an alcoholic will probably have finally revealed that they do have a drinking problem. You may have believed their excuses in the first few months and they can sometimes hide it quite well. A person with financial problems, however, may be able to hide it for much longer than a year.

Next test stop is at 3 years. By the end of 3 years, the passion and hormonal highs will usually have diminished and in its place you are more able to see the real person in front of you. At this point, you may not like what you see. But your differences will have been brought to the surface and it is a real opportunity for both of you to heal some lifelong personal issues.




The key to creating a loving relationship that lasts is to know that you are ready to love and then to choose a person who has revealed, over time, that he is also ready to love. Allow your relationship to reveal itself over time. The revelation cannot be rushed. Yes, you can quickly get engaged and quickly get married, but that will not stop the unraveling process and the inevitable discoveries of whether you are a good fit or not.

Have the courage to walk away, no matter how painful, if this person does not really fit into your life goals and dreams. But don’t leave on a whim or in an upset state of mind. Seek counseling. Read books. Take courses. Become really clear about what you want, what you don’t want, what you need based upon your early childhood wounds and needs. Then, if you walk away you will have a clear head and in a short time will be really ready for true love.

However, if you have taken courses and spent time with some solid counseling and you still feel that you love this person, then decide whether to stay or leave. If he seems to fit your own emotional dynamics in such a way that can help you to heal – and you have not yet healed – then make the choice, the decision to stay with him, to love him, and to give the relationship all that you can. But that means you MUST love yourself, value yourself, nurture yourself and set boundaries about what you will and will not accept.

If you are truly READY FOR LOVE and want to explore the real truth about what it takes to create and sustain love, then JOIN THE 30 DAY LOVE CHALLENGE.

This challenge is a real challenge. For 30 days you will receive a video each day about a different aspect of love. We will explore the brain in love, hormones in love, the love and the bible, 12 steps to love, 10 steps to intimacy, fear of love, loneliness and love, success in love, and so much more.

Are you willing to do what it takes to finally create real and lasting love in your life?

Are you willing to make a solid decision to join and fully participate in this 30 Day Love Challenge? This is all about YOU – your life, your feelings, your love.

This challenge will change your love life, but YOU have to be willing to participate.

Make a commitment to love yourself and do what it takes to create love in your life.







If you are truly READY FOR LOVE and want to explore the real truth about what it takes to create and sustain love, then JOIN THE 30 DAY LOVE CHALLENGE.

This challenge is a real challenge. For 30 days you will receive a video each day about a different aspect of love. We will explore the brain in love, hormones in love, the love and the bible, 12 steps to love, 10 steps to intimacy, fear of love, loneliness and love, success in love, and so much more.

Are you willing to do what it takes to finally create real and lasting love in your life?

Are you willing to make a solid decision to join and fully participate in this 30 Day Love Challenge? This is all about YOU – your life, your feelings, your love.

This challenge will change your love life, but YOU have to be willing to participate.

Make a commitment to love yourself and do what it takes to create love in your life.





We respect your email privacy

In the meantime….


Love Me Touch Me Heal Me Book











Love Touch Heal Relationship System







Dr. Erica



The following two tabs change content below.
Dr. Erica Goodstone is a Spiritual Relationship Healing Expert helping men and women heal their bodies and their relationships through love. Having presented her comprehensive relationship healing programs throughout the U.S. and Canada over several decades, she has helped literally 1000's of men and women to heal through learning how to love. Dr. Erica believes "Where There is Love There IS a Way". When you love, accept, listen and pay attention to your body, trust your own sense of what you truly desire, and strive to understand, appreciate and really know the other people in your life, anything and everything is possible.

Latest posts by Dr. Erica Goodstone (see all)

10 thoughts on “Attraction-Dating-Commitment

  1. Hi Dr Erica

    This should be a guide and I loved reading it from start to finish. One thing that resonate with me is that relationship takes a lot of commitment and there are no short cuts, no fantasies and no need of hiding on the internet.

    As you shared, you need to be prepared for the blows, disappointments and shortcomings. However, this does not mean that you should call it quits. It is time to share and learn about each other.

    Thanks for sharing. Take Care
    ikechi recently posted…Why Focused Passion Makes The DifferenceMy Profile

    • Ikechi,

      One thing that is important is to decide if you really want to be in an intimate relationship or if you would prefer to be single and free.
      Not everyone really wants to do what it takes to stay in an ongoing committed relationship. Some people love the highs of that early period,
      when all the hormones are flowing, and they lose interest during the less exciting times when household chores and life tasks take over.
      But we have to be careful not to throw away a good relationship if it is temporarily less than exciting. That excitement can return if we both
      pay attention to each other. Relationships are an ongoing work of art in progress.


      Dr. Erica Goodstone recently posted…Are You Sexually Secure?My Profile

  2. Great post, and I can associate with a lot of it. I actually am quite happy alone, I don’t have a desire to find someone or be with someone, but every now and again someone amazing steps into my life and we have something great for however long it lasts.

    Enjoy the journey!

  3. Hi Erica..
    After 23 years of marriage … I don’t know what made me stay, or kept me from leaving … lol .. but I believe you have to work on a relationship to make it work …I wonder if young people have real challenges with relationships because of all the instant gratification surrounding them. Because, it’s not like that human being to human being …. your thoughts?
    Lesly Federici recently posted…Park Your Money HereMy Profile

    • Lesly,

      Therapists are beginning to write about the detrimental effect of technology on intimate relationships, especially for young people. Those of us who grew up before the internet was available have had the experience of contact in real time with real people. But the youngsters who are so used to instant gratification and creating avatars and fantasy images of who they want to be will eventually have to face the real world. I got married late, at 40, and I remember having quite an unrealistic view of love and relationships until I was in it and facing it.

      There are many reasons to stay married. Getting divorced is never easy. It is also easy to stay focused on work and children and avoid dealing with the issues directly.

      I get really bothered when I hear well-intentioned love coaches tell their followers that they can easily find the love of their life with just a shift in mindset and a few tools. It is much more complicated than that. Having received hundreds of therapy, body-mind, spiritual and other coaching and healing sessions, I know that none of the sessions or the techniques “did it for me.” For me it has been a lifelong process of learning how to love and learning what it takes to succeed in my life. There are no shortcuts. Each of us has to learn what we need to learn in our own time. Coaches and therapists can help us to see more clearly.


      Dr. Erica
      Dr. Erica Goodstone recently posted…Attraction-Dating-CommitmentMy Profile

    • Miriam,

      Yes, there are people who spend time in a marriage and then it goes sour. But how many of those people put quality, loving time into their marriage. Instead, many people put huge expectations onto their partner and expect to receive more than they are willing to give. Even if you know someone well, a relationship requires ongoing connection, communication, caring and commitment.


      Dr. Erica Goodstone recently posted…Attraction-Dating-CommitmentMy Profile

Comments are closed.