Desperation to Inspiration – Healing from a Broken Heart

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When you feel betrayed, rejected, humiliated and shamed by someone who has meant a lot to you, the result is often a sense of desperation and a broken heart.  The heartbreak you feel can be physically painful, intensely so.  There is no immediate cure for devastating emotional pain.

Quick And Easy Escapes Don’t Work

Drugs and alcohol can help you to temporarily numb the physical and emotional pain. Stuffing yourself with comfort foods can actually calm your nervous system for awhile but you may need more and more to keep your emotions at bay. Prescription medications may help to mask the internal sensations of your skin crawling and so much anxiety that you can’t sit still.  You can easily turn your upset feelings into anger and rage and take your discomfort out on an innocent victim.  Or maybe you will attempt to alleviate the internal feelings through sexual acting out, possibly with inappropriate partners at the expense of endangering your health or your life.  Maybe you will choose to wallow in your sadness and depression to the point of considering suicide and maybe even making a suicide attempt.

Perhaps you tend to choose a more seemingly healthy route to overcoming the pain and hurt of betrayal and abandonment.  Maybe you will increase your focus on work or minding your children or caring for an elderly parent.  If you are into fitness, maybe your will double and triple your workouts as if you can burn out the intense internal sensations through aerobics and muscle building.

Maybe your style is to quickly connect with someone new, to get sexually and emotionally intimate before you have built a real foundation of love and trust and mutuality.  Or you may be the independent type, someone who refuses to get close again, drowning your sorrows in the false belief that all relationships will eventually go sour so why even try.

None of the above tactics will bring back the love or the trust that you suddenly lost.  Attempting to suppress the emotional pain through food or drinks or drugs will not solve the underlying problem  Escaping through work or travel or avoiding all close relationships will not bring back that feeling of being loved.  In fact, the more you isolate yourself the more unloved and unloving you will feel.

The Only Way Out Is Through

When your heart has been torn to bits by the emotional rejection and neglect perpetrated upon you by someone you love, there is NO QUICK AND EASY FIX.
Suffering is the menu for the day.  But that suffering does not have to last indefinitely.

When you first discover that you are losing the one you love – through illness, death, or rejection and betrayal – there is only one way you will probably feel.  Sadness, hurt, disappointment, anger, rage, and depression may emerge one after the other, quickly arising and quickly shifting to a different feeling.  All of this hurts.  It hurts so much that you may feel as if you cannot and will not survive.

Maybe you will reach for something to suppress the intensity of the emotional pain.  That may help in the immediate aftermath of discovering your loss.  But sooner or later you need to get real, face your situation as it is, and feel whatever you feel.

Be prepared to feel waves of upsetting emotions.  Allow the emotions to appear, to express themselves and you will soon discover that no emotion lasts indefinitely.  Eventually the emotion shifts and your system calms down.  So let yourself feel whatever is coming up for you.

Get Support

 

hands-compassion

Don’t try to handle your waves of upsetting emotions all alone.  Reach out for help.  If your family and current friends do not seem to be able to provide adequate support, then reach out to a professional such as a therapist, counselor, coach or clergy.  The support you need to receive is a continual reminder that you are valuable, your life is worthwhile, you have a purpose for being here on earth, you are lovable, you deserve to love and be loved, and your life is a gift.

GET YOUR FREE

BROKEN HEART RECOVERY MANIFESTO AND AFFIRMATIONS

 

Find Inspiration

Read inspirational books. Seek inspirational quotes online.  Watch romantic movies and let yourself cry with the actors as they suffer in their relationships.  Rejoice with them when it all works out for the best, realizing that your life, too, can become better than you imagine right now.  Join online and local support groups.  Spend more time with friends and co-workers.  Take a course in how to handle your emotions, how to heal from a breakup, or learning how to love.

Appreciate The Gift Of Your Life

The road to recovery from a broken heart is rocky, painful and fraught with setbacks.  You may think you are feeling all better and then suddenly get triggered by a memory.   Looking around you may see only happy couples and feel as if you are the only one who has been betrayed by life.  You are not alone.  Don’t believe for a moment that you are all alone.  We all have a longing and need to belong and so many of us feel lonely, isolated and unworthy of love – even if we are currently in an apparently loving and committed relationship.  It is the internal feeling that matters most.

Do whatever you can to get in touch with the hurt little child inside yourself, the part that was hurt way back when mommy or daddy neglected you or hurt you in some way.  Get in touch with your own inner emotional hurt and soothe that hurt.  Say loving, gentle, soothing and kind words to that part of you that feels as if you cannot survive.  Love yourself back into health, emotional health.  Love the person you truly are, not the one you are wrongly accusing yourself of being.

You are a child of God.  You are here on earth for a purpose.  You do have a purpose to fulfill.  And your presence is important to the people that you meet.  Your smile can lift someone’s spirit.  Your words can change the way someone else feels.  Your attitude can change another person’s attitude.  You are more powerful than you believe you are.  Use your power to release those painful feelings and bring back your natural state of wonder and joy in being alive.

If you are truly READY FOR LOVE and want to explore the real truth about what it takes to create and sustain love, then JOIN THE 30 DAY LOVE CHALLENGE.

This challenge is a real challenge. For 30 days you will receive a video each day about a different aspect of love. We will explore the brain in love, hormones in love, the love and the bible, 12 steps to love, 10 steps to intimacy, fear of love, loneliness and love, success in love, and so much more.

Are you willing to do what it takes to finally create real and lasting love in your life?

Are you willing to make a solid decision to join and fully participate in this 30 Day Love Challenge? This is all about YOU – your life, your feelings, your love.

This challenge will change your love life, but YOU have to be willing to participate.

Make a commitment to love yourself and do what it takes to create love in your life.

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Warmly,

Dr. Erica

 

 

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Dr. Erica Goodstone is a Spiritual Relationship Healing Expert helping men and women heal their bodies and their relationships through love. Having presented her comprehensive relationship healing programs throughout the U.S. and Canada over several decades, she has helped literally 1000's of men and women to heal through learning how to love. Dr. Erica believes "Where There is Love There IS a Way". When you love, accept, listen and pay attention to your body, trust your own sense of what you truly desire, and strive to understand, appreciate and really know the other people in your life, anything and everything is possible.

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16 thoughts on “Desperation to Inspiration – Healing from a Broken Heart

  1. Hi Dr Erica

    Thank you for this post

    I have encountered family and friends who have gone through a heart break and I did not know what to do or how to support them

    With this post, I am aware of what to do now. Having a heart break or being rejected is sad and so hurting. So this is very handy to those going through such pain.

    Thanks for sharing. Take Care

    • Ikechi,

      When someone is hurting from a breakup, all they need is someone to listen, to encourage them and to help them feel that life is not over, that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. But advice and criticizing the ex is not helpful.
      Glad you have such concern for others.

      Warmly,

      Dr. Erica

  2. Hi Dr. Erica,
    I was interested in your post not for myself, I have been rather lucky in this respect of my life, but my son is experiencing a broken heart. I think for the first time. Having someone reject you is very hard to take. They were together for 4 yrs and I don’t know all the particulars I do know he was devastated by this girl. So he reached out to me and together we found a coach online to help him. Must have helped as he has moved on with his life and met someone new. Thanks for your post.

  3. Good Day Erica,

    Great post. A broken heart can really take a toll on someone’s life. I appreciate you mentioning that “we are children a God”. He doesn’t want us to suffer. Support, pray, inspiration and time can mend a broken heart.

    God Bless.

    Lozelle

    • Lozelle,

      You mentioned 2 key points. First, a broken heart is really broken and needs time to mend – and it can heal with support and love. And if nobody else give you that love, you find a way to give the love to yourself. And second, there is a higher power, a source, a God, that can help us to get back into alignment with our own value and purpose for being alive.

      Warmly,

      Dr. Erica

  4. Oh my, a broken heart, betrayal, and just deep deep pain. I have been there and I know you want a quick or instant solution to that pain. But, it takes work, patience and time.

    What really hit home for me from your post is the part about where you think you have worked through it, gotten past it, feel that it’s all behind you. Then, one day, a certain song, a certain place or eve a certain smell can trigger the events that brought you so much pain and you can instantly be taken back to the pain and have more work to do.

    I agree that being kind to yourself, reminding yourself that you are lovable, you deserve real love, peace, and a wonderful life —this mindset helps. Also, don’t hold it all in, release it in a healthy way. Support is definitely a huge help I think!

    Great post Erica! I’m sure you will be in a position to help so many!

    Deborah

    • Deborah,
      So many of us have suffered a heartbreak, often more than once. The key to healing is to get support and face the issues, rather than trying to tough it out all alone. If we don’t face our deepest hurts then they are become like scars that can easily be opened up the next time we run into a difficulty.
      Warmly,
      Dr. Erica

  5. Where were you 15 years ago, Erica? How I could have used this wonderful advice then. At that time I thought the pain would never go away and didn’t know where to turn. Alcohol and drugs were not an option for me. Thankfully when things got to rock bottom, a friend stepped in and helped. He found resources I needed and made sure I followed through with them. I, slightly grudgingly, surrendered control before I could get my independence back again. Down the track we became more than just friends and are together now.

    • Sue,

      What a beautiful story, the person who helped you through your emotional pain became your best friend indefinitely. That is a true reminder that there is light at the end of the tunnel – for all of us – but we can’t see it while we are stuck in the muck, the pain and suffering that happens when we lose the dream of love that we had.

      My husband used to say that some of our friends, who had drinking problems, were able to drown away their problems in alcohol. But since we did not turn to alcohol, we had to face the problems and feel the feelings – which can be so painful. And that feeling that it will never end is part of why it hurts so much.

      The best thing that a Rubenfeld Synergist told me while I was lying on her massage table was this “This is temporary”. Just knowing it was temporary and I would get through it to another state of mind was all I needed to snap back to feeling like myself again.

      Warmly,

      Dr. Erica

  6. Hi Dr Erica,
    What a great post .
    I know for many it is a real struggle a broken heart can be devastating.
    And you are right ,in the time when help is needed ,people do not
    like to talk about and hide the feelings often . We live in societies
    where everybody wants to pretend all is alright . This is when
    somebody hurt really can get sick because of this negative emotions.
    Forgiveness is in this case not easy ,if there is not support.
    It really needs a therapist or counselor to get through such a
    situation .I hope many will take advantage of your Love Challenge
    Thank you
    Erika

    • Erika,

      You are so right. Many people who are hurting walk around pretending everything is all right. Others complain all the time without taking steps to receive adequate support and feel better about life. There is still a stigma attached to reaching out for help. We feel as if we “should” be strong and able to handle everything on our own. But why not get help from someone who sees the bigger picture, someone who’s already been where you are. It certainly works for business to hire a coach, why not for our love relationships?

      Warmly,

      Dr. Erica

  7. Hi Dr Erica,
    What an awesome post! It is so good to know that there are other means of dealing with trying to heal than the temporary fixes as you mentioned….To realize that you can reach out for help at any time is very comforting as so many deal in other negative ways that will only hurt more than heal. Thanks for sharing these awesome “other” and “better” ways to healing that will make you a much better person!

    • Thanks Joan,

      Yes there are many ways to get support to help us heal. Problem is, just when we need to reach out and get support, that is when we tend to stay alone and only use the tools and habits we have already developed. The key is to develop more healthy and healing habits in advance, while we are in a stable emotional state, and to develop the support systems in advance.

      Warmly,
      Dr. Erica

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