When you feel betrayed, rejected, humiliated and shamed by someone who has meant a lot to you, the result is often a sense of desperation and a broken heart. The heartbreak you feel can be physically painful, intensely so. There is no immediate cure for devastating emotional pain.
Quick And Easy Escapes Don’t Work
Drugs and alcohol can help you to temporarily numb the physical and emotional pain. Stuffing yourself with comfort foods can actually calm your nervous system for awhile but you may need more and more to keep your emotions at bay. Prescription medications may help to mask the internal sensations of your skin crawling and so much anxiety that you can’t sit still. You can easily turn your upset feelings into anger and rage and take your discomfort out on an innocent victim. Or maybe you will attempt to alleviate the internal feelings through sexual acting out, possibly with inappropriate partners at the expense of endangering your health or your life. Maybe you will choose to wallow in your sadness and depression to the point of considering suicide and maybe even making a suicide attempt.
Perhaps you tend to choose a more seemingly healthy route to overcoming the pain and hurt of betrayal and abandonment. Maybe you will increase your focus on work or minding your children or caring for an elderly parent. If you are into fitness, maybe your will double and triple your workouts as if you can burn out the intense internal sensations through aerobics and muscle building.
Maybe your style is to quickly connect with someone new, to get sexually and emotionally intimate before you have built a real foundation of love and trust and mutuality. Or you may be the independent type, someone who refuses to get close again, drowning your sorrows in the false belief that all relationships will eventually go sour so why even try.
None of the above tactics will bring back the love or the trust that you suddenly lost. Attempting to suppress the emotional pain through food or drinks or drugs will not solve the underlying problem Escaping through work or travel or avoiding all close relationships will not bring back that feeling of being loved. In fact, the more you isolate yourself the more unloved and unloving you will feel.
The Only Way Out Is Through
When your heart has been torn to bits by the emotional rejection and neglect perpetrated upon you by someone you love, there is NO QUICK AND EASY FIX.
Suffering is the menu for the day. But that suffering does not have to last indefinitely.
When you first discover that you are losing the one you love – through illness, death, or rejection and betrayal – there is only one way you will probably feel. Sadness, hurt, disappointment, anger, rage, and depression may emerge one after the other, quickly arising and quickly shifting to a different feeling. All of this hurts. It hurts so much that you may feel as if you cannot and will not survive.
Maybe you will reach for something to suppress the intensity of the emotional pain. That may help in the immediate aftermath of discovering your loss. But sooner or later you need to get real, face your situation as it is, and feel whatever you feel.
Be prepared to feel waves of upsetting emotions. Allow the emotions to appear, to express themselves and you will soon discover that no emotion lasts indefinitely. Eventually the emotion shifts and your system calms down. So let yourself feel whatever is coming up for you.
Don’t try to handle your waves of upsetting emotions all alone. Reach out for help. If your family and current friends do not seem to be able to provide adequate support, then reach out to a professional such as a therapist, counselor, coach or clergy. The support you need to receive is a continual reminder that you are valuable, your life is worthwhile, you have a purpose for being here on earth, you are lovable, you deserve to love and be loved, and your life is a gift.
BROKEN HEART RECOVERY MANIFESTO AND AFFIRMATIONS
Read inspirational books. Seek inspirational quotes online. Watch romantic movies and let yourself cry with the actors as they suffer in their relationships. Rejoice with them when it all works out for the best, realizing that your life, too, can become better than you imagine right now. Join online and local support groups. Spend more time with friends and co-workers. Take a course in how to handle your emotions, how to heal from a breakup, or learning how to love.
Appreciate The Gift Of Your Life
The road to recovery from a broken heart is rocky, painful and fraught with setbacks. You may think you are feeling all better and then suddenly get triggered by a memory. Looking around you may see only happy couples and feel as if you are the only one who has been betrayed by life. You are not alone. Don’t believe for a moment that you are all alone. We all have a longing and need to belong and so many of us feel lonely, isolated and unworthy of love – even if we are currently in an apparently loving and committed relationship. It is the internal feeling that matters most.
Do whatever you can to get in touch with the hurt little child inside yourself, the part that was hurt way back when mommy or daddy neglected you or hurt you in some way. Get in touch with your own inner emotional hurt and soothe that hurt. Say loving, gentle, soothing and kind words to that part of you that feels as if you cannot survive. Love yourself back into health, emotional health. Love the person you truly are, not the one you are wrongly accusing yourself of being.
You are a child of God. You are here on earth for a purpose. You do have a purpose to fulfill. And your presence is important to the people that you meet. Your smile can lift someone’s spirit. Your words can change the way someone else feels. Your attitude can change another person’s attitude. You are more powerful than you believe you are. Use your power to release those painful feelings and bring back your natural state of wonder and joy in being alive.
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Are you willing to do what it takes to finally create real and lasting love in your life?
Are you willing to make a solid decision to join and fully participate in this 30 Day Love Challenge? This is all about YOU – your life, your feelings, your love.
This challenge will change your love life, but YOU have to be willing to participate.
Make a commitment to love yourself and do what it takes to create love in your life.
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In the meantime….