Males and females are really similar – or are they?

 Do You Believe Men and Women are Similar? 

Nowadays many of us want to believe that our intimate male partner or significant female partner “should” think and behave the way we do.  But research seems to prove otherwise. There is a reason that John Gray’s book:  Men Are From Mars, Women are From Venus, has been a best seller for so many years.  Men and women realize that there are many points of truth in what the book reveals.

Males and Females Have Biological and Genetic Differences

Our biological and genetic differences are actually greater than many of us have been willing to believe.  In fact, it has become politically incorrect to even suggest that men and women are fundamentally different.  Many are afraid that If we believe and talk about the differences, without understanding the significance and value of the male and female traits, that we will be returning to a state of repression and inequality.  Women have been viewed and treated as a lesser class of human being in many cultures for centuries.  In fact, men and women retain the remnants of that old thinking in the recesses of their brains and in the cells of their bodies.

If you doubt that these differences are real and palpable and easily discernible, then take yourself to a couples’ workshop and listen to the complaints of the males and females. Inevitably you will hear such similar complaints that it may appear as if any of the women is talking about several of the other men and any of the men is talking about many other women in the room.

Male Complaints and Female Complaints are Different

What are some of these common complaints? The vignettes below are only a few of the many common scenarios apparent in male-female relationships.  Let me know if you recognize these patterns in any of your own relationships or in the dynamics of some of the couples you know.

Male:    She always wants me to help with the dishes, the housework or the children, but when I finish she is never satisfied.  I don’t do it the way she expects.  Even when I help, I do it wrong, so why bother?

FemaleHe doesn’t listen when I talk.  He’s either watching TV, reading something, focused on his computer or texting on his phone.  He keeps complaining that I am interrupting whatever he is doing, but he doesn’t make time for us to talk and have fun times together.

Male:  She’s always complaining that I don’t help out at home.  But I’m working hard to bring in money to pay the bills and I just want to relax when I get home.  Why can’t she just leave me alone and let me do it later when I have more energy?

Female:  If I don’t ask him to do something over and over, he just forgets and doesn’t bother to do it.  I get so mad that finally I just do it myself but I’m seething inside.

MaleShe used to be so hot, always wanted to get it on with me. Now she seems to be annoyed by my touch.  She always seems to be busy with something else she has to do, like household chores, something for her work, the children….

Female:  He’s not romantic.  He doesn’t bring me flowers, or send cards, or give me little gifts, send sexy text messages or even say sweet things to me anymore.  But he grabs me while I’m busy doing dishes or working at my computer and he expects me to just drop everything and be sexual. But I don’t feel sexy or beautiful.  Maybe he’s not attracted to me anymore.

You may disagree with the above situations because, perhaps, you and your partner do not fall into these kinds of difficult dynamics. Perhaps your upbringing was more egalitarian.  Perhaps you, or you and your partner, have worked hard to overcome some of the predominant male-female themes.  Maybe in the near future we may reach a time when males and females understand, appreciate, accept, acknowledge and adore each other the way it often begins in early the early stages of a romance.  But at the present time, males and females are sometimes worlds apart in the way they think and feel, process information, show their love and affection, and express their underlying needs.

Please share in the comments below about your own personal experiences with male and female differences.. And also please feel free to tell us about any similarities you have discovered.

What is the solution?

Can male-female differences actually improve our relationships?

Hint, hint!  It has something to do with first understanding yourself, then understanding your partner, and learning what it really takes to love yourself and another person.

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With love and caring,


Dr. Erica





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Dr. Erica Goodstone is a Spiritual Relationship Healing Expert helping men and women heal their bodies and their relationships through love. Having presented her comprehensive relationship healing programs throughout the U.S. and Canada over several decades, she has helped literally 1000's of men and women to heal through learning how to love. Dr. Erica believes "Where There is Love There IS a Way". When you love, accept, listen and pay attention to your body, trust your own sense of what you truly desire, and strive to understand, appreciate and really know the other people in your life, anything and everything is possible.

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33 thoughts on “Males and females are really similar – or are they?

  1. When it comes to communication it sometimes annoys me just how much my husband and I are the poster couple for all the jokes about couples. We are so different on some topics and sometimes I feel for him when he tries to understand me and I totally get it when he surrendered. lol Some of the assumptions my husband has about women were taught to him by his role models (daffy uncles) and nothing will shake that so-called shared wisdom. It has an impact on our communication. Thank goodness we love laughing at each other’s perception of things. Thanks for sharing Dr. Erica

  2. Great post here!

    I think Male and Females have many similarities but also many differences. This highlights that. We compliment each other nicely however!

    Thanks again for this value.


  3. Hi Erica.

    I appreciate your insights. Indeed you are correct with many many points. Some time ago I read a book called ‘Men Are From Mars And Women Are From Mars’ This talks about similar things to which you refer to in your post. I think the biggest problem we face in the current climate is… selfishness. We are too focuses on ME than we are on US. People are busy with their careers ..with the kids.. with keeping up with the bills that by the time the ‘US’ time comes along both people are just exhausted and just stop trying. In the short term this might not seem such a big thing but this behaviour repeated over a long period of time can cause many other.. much bigger problems… All because we just don’t find the time to get to understand each other. Life can be hard especially with kids … I think you reach a point when you decide ‘Do I want this anymore’ and dependant on your answer the switch gets activated in the brain and from there on in the body follows suit. The more I read of your posts Erica the more I am understand what you do. I sure do appreciate you! Thank you for your post.

    • William,

      Relationships are more difficult than most of us realize. The media certainly doesn’t help.
      We see images of happy couples walking into the sunset. We see images of young, beautiful, carefree, physically fit,
      men and women as the ideal focus for love. We don’t see enough of the struggle, overcoming difficulties,
      seeking counseling to bring back the attention on WE. We don’t see enough of the work involved that brings couples
      into that loving state again after periods of disconnection, distancing and questioning whether to stay or leave.



  4. Hi Dr Erica

    You know I agree that when men and women understand they are different, they can build a wonderful relationship. However as humanity has always been, we tend to see things from how we feel rather than from the other point of view.

    This is why there is so much misunderstanding. It is great to know that you highlighted these differences with some cool examples. In time, men and women will learn to appreciate their differences.

    Thanks for sharing. Take Care

    • Ikechi,

      The only way relationships can survive and remain loving is to understand and accept each other’s differences, actually to appreciate those differences. And to keep showing appreciation for each other.

      Dr. Erica

  5. Hi Erica,

    Love the way you put in the dialogue in this post. It caught my attention of the way some communicate with each other.

    I have to say I am grateful that my marriage has amazing communication. I love the sensitivity of my husband and his altruistic personality. Guess that is what attracted me to him at first. After 26 years, we still live in harmony.

    I do see the differences but so does he. We accept each other the way we are and sometimes even laugh about it.


    • Donna,
      It is always wonderful to hear the way you speak about your marriage and your relationship.
      That is a true inspiration for others to follow. We have to first know our own self and
      what we can accept and not accept. Then when we find a compatible partner, we need to
      keep the communication open and show caring and love as often as possible.

      Dr. Erica

  6. Wow what an amazing post, when i was reading all this, it seems like i am watching a Love story. salute to your writing skills 😉

  7. Hi Erica,

    There are two core issues in a relationship. The one comes from the family and the other comes from the person itself. So let’s approach the first case. How many times parents say to the boys “Don’t cry, you are a man” or “Don’t act like this, a man should be strong”. When men grow up with an environment like that, it’s natural to seek a woman who will fit his environment aka a woman who will be like his mother.

    The second case now comes on the dating phase of a couple. How many magazines out there give tips for first dates? “Wear this and impress the guy” or “Say this to make you look smart” or even “Smile when he’s smiling and laugh when he’s laughing”. When a relationship starts, the masks fall and those tricks on the dating phase don’t work anymore. The real personality of the person eventually will come to the surface.

    Thank you for this great article. Keep it up with the great work!


    • Zaria,

      Thanks for adding your thoughtful comments. I wish the media could just leave us alone, let us be happy to be our self and attract others that like us the way we are. So much time is wasted on trying to be someone or something different – and eventually it is all revealed anyway.


      Dr. Erica

  8. Hi Dr. Erica,
    What a fun and interesting post. Will pick the book “Men Are From Mars, Women are From Venus” it sounds like I’ll be enjoying it.
    It’s always good to learn more about men.
    I found that, how we speak to them plays a huge role in how they will react and if they’ll take action or just keep pushing the ‘ignore button’ 🙂
    Thank you for sharing!

    • Hi Emi,

      I am appearing on several love summits in April. One of them is the Male Female Dynamic.
      That got me thinking about John Gray’s book that has reached millions of men and women with a sense of “Oh yeah! I can relate to that.” We often think the problem has to do with this particular man or woman yet often it has more to do with whether or not you understand our basic and natural differences.


      Dr. Erica

  9. HI, I have been married for a long time now and true indeed that males and females have different ways of expressing oneself, though we manage to overcome some of it, but just so, there’s a difference until now. Thanks for sharing a very informative post.

    • Hi,

      Yes there are big differences between men and women. Viva la difference! We need each other to smooth out and enhance many of our ways of communicating and ways of being in the world. The key is to be interested in learning about each other.

      Dr. Erica

  10. Hi Erica,

    Your post photo is what caught my eye.

    I have a friend who is a Dating Coach. We were talking about the “Mean are From Mars…” book and he said that, for the most part, men are not interested in learning how to speak a woman’s language. He mentioned some book, Why He Disappeared, and which sold very well but pointed out there is not a “Why She Disappeared” book because men just do not care. He then pointed out that most men don’t read books like “Men are From Mars…”.

    That’s all I wanted to add (I know that I tend to veer off a topic…)

    Rachel recently wrote Include Your Business During Spring Cleaning

    • Rachel,

      I beg to differ with your dating coach friend. Men do care. Many men really do care, especially when they fall in love and she leaves, or when they love someone who loves another person more than them. In my sessions with men, many of them do read books. One was getting divorced and read several books about what to expect, how the wife might behave, what the husband could do.

      The difference is that many men don’t read, don’t naturally desire to read about relationships. But they are often very concerned and might sneak a peak at “Why She Disappeared” but they may be embarrassed to buy it or to let anyone else know they are interested in that topic.


      Dr. Erica

  11. Hi Erica, I don’t live with a man but have seen the differences with my parents and their relationship and complaints about life with the other, although they always work it out. I can see how some might let the problem become almost impassable though and need help to get through it and live comfortably together.

    Enjoy the journey!

    • Mandy,

      The key is communication, really listening to each other with curiosity to help you understand. And then working together to find solutions that are mutual. Many people have huge expectations and make demands that are unfair and don’t understand how their words and actions affect the other person.


      Dr. Erica

  12. Hi Dr. Erica,

    Enjoyed your post about gender similarities and differences.

    Your sample dialogues were insightful and rang true. They reminded me of how insensitive we can be about the feelings of those we most love.

    It’s not this simple, but sometimes I think we’re guilty of expecting ‘love’ be a magic act that transcends the basic considerations we extend in casual interactions.

    Good post,

    • Edward,

      I love your words “sometimes I think we’re guilty of expecting ‘love’ to be a magic act that transcends the basic considerations we extend in causal interactions.”

      Many of us are more respectful, listen more receptively and show greater empathy to total strangers or mere acquaintances than we do to those with whom we have become familiar. We make these mistakes with colleagues at work and with our most intimate partners.

      Years ago I heard the definition of an expert as “someone who lives more than 50 miles away.” Even the bible talks about Jesus not being accepted or acknowledged for his greatness by his own home townspeople.

      What if we really made a strong effort to be present, caring and loving toward those closest to us. That could be the beginning of change for the world.


      Dr. Erica

  13. Hi Erica

    A wonderful post!

    Apart from biological and genetic differences there are lots of differences between males and females.

    I loved that complaint section. I totally agree with all the points you have stated. Loved the way you brought out each point so clearly.

    Thanks fro sharing!

    • Sonal,

      Men and women were put on this earth to teach each other how to love. Our differences make us more appealing to each other and cause us to make efforts to improve upon what we think is our natural way of being. When men and women are willing to be affected by each other, are willing to listen and learn from each other, we can create incredibly loving relationships.


      Dr. Erica

  14. Hi Erica,

    Wonderful post and a lot to think about. My husband and I were far from perfect but we were perfect for each other. Even as sick and in pain that he was, he helped me around the house. It may have come from his 30 years in the Army; the discipline.

    He always seemed like he knew the differences between us and therefore, I learned that too and we got along amazingly well.

    He was so loving, thoughtful and good to me.

    • Monna,

      You were so fortunate to love a man who reciprocated and allowed you to feel fulfilled. I love what you said “My husband and I were far from perfect but we were perfect for each other.” You were both able to allow for each other’s differences and to appreciate and love each other. Love is a gift – and – we have to nurture our love and appreciate the gift that it is.


      Dr. Erica

  15. Hi Dr, Erica,
    First of all thanks for the recent visit to my Blog. And the There were lots of things That I have learned for male and female. I am not that knowledgeable about those things but you have explained it really well.
    Thanks for sharong

    • Robin,
      For me, the area of male female interaction and relationship forming is fascinating.
      We think we are so similar but our hormones and brain patterns are very different.
      But most of all, we can teach each other how to connect and love.


      Dr. Erica

  16. You are so right – I have always believed it and cringe when I hear woman complaining or not understanding there husbands just are different then we women. Thanks for the confirmation

    • Pamela,

      So many women choose a man because he is so different from the way she is and then
      spend all their time together trying to change him to be more like her.
      In the end, that just does not work. Each of us has to feel free to be our self,
      to grow and develop as we desire. And we want to be loved and accepted no matter what.


      Dr. Erica

  17. Hi Dr Erica,

    I can completely relate to many of those scenarios from previous relationships, however I’m on my own now. I was going to say “sadly” I’m on my own… but – although my divorce was devastating and the death of my subsequent partner was tragic, situations such as those you describe above were so upsetting to me that I prefer to remain alone in future (or have a dog!!)

    I was brought up in a very entrepreneurial family and even the smallest member of the family was expected to contribute – in all senses – to the family business. It was just so much “the way it was” that it never occurred to me that other people may not live like that.

    So when later male partners didn’t afford me the same respect in commercial and financial matters it didn’t sit at all well with me. And I’m normally a very placid type of person.

    My ex-husband wasn’t the worst offender in this by any means, but when we divorced a very wise friend said to me “Focus on the freedom” and that’s what I have done. It’s easier 🙂

    If any of your other readers are alone, I hope that little saying may help them. (Sorry – a bit off topic 🙂

    Joy – Blogging After Dark

    • Joy,
      Relationships require personal awareness and emotional strength, more than most of us realize. Since becoming a therapist I have often thought that we need to be therapists with our most intimate partners. We need to listen, to understand, to encourage communication in a safe environment. Most of us marry someone whose upbringing was very different from our own.

      When I chose my husband it appeared as if we were from similar backgrounds. We went to high school in nearby towns, we were brought up in the same religion, we are close in age. Some of that has helped us to enjoy the same types of food and maybe feel comfortable with each other’s friends. But we had a huge difference. His mother was a stay at home mom and my mother was an educated professional, a teacher – and that has made a tremendous difference in his resisting my entrepreneurial and professional endeavours. He used to be mad at me when I went away to attend or speak at a conference.

      Our relationship has improved greatly over time but there is still a bit of that edge that may never completely disappear.


      Dr. Erica

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