Have you ever wondered why some marriages appear to be so loving and happy while so many others are not? Yes, choosing an appropriate partner – one who matches your level of commitment, your lifestyle preferences and your values – certainly gives you a head start. But scientific studies have revealed some secret ingredients that help marriages to thrive and without which, you may be in for a lifetime of struggle and frustration and perhaps eventual divorce.
Maressa Brown gathered some impressive research in a short, no-nonsense, simple article that I want to share with you here.
Please let me know what you think and how these factors have affected your marriage or you most intimate relationship currently or in the past.
10 Science-Proven Facts About Happy Marriages
Posted by Maressa Brown on Feb 2, 2015 at 10:00 AM
“Whether the stats show that divorces are on the rise or decline, the fact is that marriage isn’t something anyone seems to have all figured out! But that hasn’t stopped researchers from investigating what keeps the happiest unions ticking!
Here, 10 scientific facts about the happiest marriages.
- Regulating your emotions, as a wife, boosts your chances of bliss.Taking a look at nearly 25 years of data, researchers from the University of California, Berkeley, concluded that the happiest marriages were the ones in which wives were able to calm quickly during conflict. In turn, they were able to employ constructive communication strategies — like clearly expressing feelings and suggesting solutions/compromises.
- The more sex, the less worry.Even if you or your partner have a tendency to be worrywarts, having an active sex life can boost your satisfaction. In fact, researchpublished in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science noted that neurotic newlyweds who had a lot of sex were as satisfied with their marriages as less neurotic couples. Makes sense: Sex definitely serves as a chill pill!
- Your vocabulary matters.In your single days, it may have gotten under your skin when friends would constantly refer to themselves as “we” or “us,” but turns out, when you’re married, using couple-focused words like “we,” “our,” and “us” when discussing a conflict is linked with more affection, less anger, and had lower psychological stress levels during the standoff, according to a study published in the journal Psychology and Aging. Meanwhile, use of words like “I,” “me,” and “you” during a disagreement was linked to marital dissatisfaction.
- If your spending habits are compatible, you will be, too.If you’re married to someone who is more concerned about contributing to that 401(K) while you’re thinking in terms of a new pair of designer jeans or tropical vacation, you’re not alone. Most of us tend to pair up with our spending opposite, according to researchers at the University of Michigan’s Ross Business School. But financial opposites have greater conflicts over money and lower marital satisfaction than those whose spending tendencies are similar.
- The more you give, the more you get.That is, when it comes to appreciation. In a study of 50 couples, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, those who felt more appreciated by their romantic partners reported actually being more appreciative of their partners. Go figure!
- You need a healthy “ratio” to stay afloat.For every one negative feeling or interaction with your spouse, you should have at least five positive feelings or interactions, suggests relationship researcher John Gottman. Negative interactions could be as simple as not showing affection, whereas positive interactions may be as simple as listening to your partner tell you about their day.
- The determining factor is friendship.Men may be from Mars and women from Venus, but both sexes agree that the determining factor in whether wives or husbands feel satisfied with the sex, romance, and passion in their marriage is, by 70 percent, the quality of the couple’s friendship, according to Gottman’s Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.
- Prioritize between-the-sheets time for more joy.In research published in the journal Social Indicators Research, which included 15,386 people who were surveyed between 1993 and 2006, respondents who had sex at least two or three times a month were 33 percent more likely to report a higher level of happiness than those who had no sex during the previous 12 months. And it seems the more you do it, the bigger the benefit: Couples who got it on once a week were 44 percent more likely to report a higher level of happiness, and those who were making love two to three times a week were 55 percent more likely!
- The couple that broadens their horizons together, stays together.You don’t have to book a world tour, but getting out and enjoying more novel, arousing experiences together will be a boon for your relationship satisfaction, notes a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
- Remember the funny times.If you want to boost your marital joy in a pinch, reminisce about something that had you and your spouse in stitches, notes a study published in the journal Motivation and Emotion. The research found that recalling an event involving “shared laughter” actually has a better relationship satisfaction-boosting effect than remembering any other sort of positive event.
Which of these would you say has the strongest effect on the success of your marriage?”
Photo by Renjith Krishnan Free DigitalPHotos.net
NOW ITS’ YOUR TURN
Please leave a comment below and let me know if you have ever experienced and how your have handled this type of subtle boundary violation and lack of understanding and respect for your position in your personal or business relationships.
If you are not so fulfilled in your relationships, if you would like to create more love and you just don’t know how, and if you can’t help feeling that there’s something more in life, please do yourself a favor and reach out to someone who can help.
CONTACT ME. Together we can help you fix what can be fixed in your relationship and bring back that loving feeling or make new decisions and difficult choices.
Keep checking back to find out more about my upcoming 30 DAY LOVE CHALLENGE.
In the meantime….