- Do YOU believe the RIGHT PARTNER is out there,
if only you could meet him or her?
- Are you seeking diversion, escape or freedom from your current relationship?
- Would you recognize the RIGHT PARTNER if you met, made a commitment, and shared your home?
Yes, there are all types of people in this world and none of us are exactly the same. We were raised in unique socioeconomic and cultural settings with different family dynamics, and individual life experiences. The neural connections in our brain, the hormonal influences upon our body, and the way we hold onto and interpret our memories enable us to develop personal beliefs and personal understandings about relationships, business and the way the world works.
Bring any 2 people together and there may or may not be an immediate attraction. Without attraction, we may quickly dismiss the other person and avoid becoming more intimate. However, when we connect with someone who stimulates our emotions and triggers the release of hormones, we tend to want to pursue further contact. As we spend more time together and have explored and enjoyed the many ways in which we are similar or different and what we like about each other, eventually our perspective will change. After enjoying the newness, the excitement, the sense of potential and possibility, we eventually reach an awareness of what we don’t like about this other person. We begin to question our original emotions and our previous decision to get more involved and make a lasting commitment.
As a relationship continues and we have made a personal commitment to remain with this person “for the rest of our life,” we often experience real changes in our brain, our emotions and our attitudes. Because the other person is present and available, we often overlook their good qualities and focus on what we don’t like and wish they would change. (Women are notorious for choosing an exciting, boyish, playboy-type male partner and then wanting and expecting him to become a sensitive, caring, and loyal mature partner. Sometimes that actually does happen, but more often the male just digs his heals into the ground and becomes less and less interested and less loyal.)
Everyone goes through this period of doubt and disillusion with a special relationship because we are flooded with hormones at certain points and depleted of these same hormones at other points. We have conversations with friends and family and co-workers. We watch movies and videos, connect online, and usually cannot help comparing our self and our experiences to others.
There IS a way out of this continual state of excitement with something new and the disillusion, boredom and wanting to escape from something old and familiar. The solution is in the brain and its capacity to grow and change throughout life. Brain Plasticity, the capacity to continue to make new neural connections, enables us to repeatedly create new habits of thought, develop new skill sets and alter our beliefs, attitudes and actions.
Creating and sustaining satisfying, intimate and loving relationships involves continually allowing our partner to influence us, to alter our brain patterns so that we expand our loving feelings. When we choose to escape, through chemical or other addictions, or when we stop listening to our own or our partner’s expressed and unexpressed needs and desires, we literally reinforce our current habit patterns and thought processes. Those qualities in our self and in our partner that we don’t like and resist accepting seem to expand in our consciousness and create deeper grooves in our brain. As we accept and forgive and let go of expectations, our brain is then more able to process new information and develop new neural pathways.
I am not suggesting that we must remain in a difficult, abusive, violent or in any other way totally unsatisfying relationship. What I am suggesting is that if we leave a difficult, abusive, violent or in any other way totally unsatisfying relationship without finding a way to understand, accept and forgive, we may be headed toward repeating the same old habit patterns in our next relationship and the one after that.
Neural plasticity is the key to creating the life and the relationships you truly want in your life.
CONTACT ME. I can help you to create and access new neural connections through my unique method of empathic listening and body/mind awareness.