Your Heroes – How They Affect Your Relationships Today

Archie Marries Veronica/Archie Marries Betty

Archie Marries Veronica/Archie Marries Betty (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

While reading a recent issue of Tennis magazine about the “Heroes” who have dramatically affected many lives, I started thinking about the heroes in my life.

As a young child I used to love reading mystery novels and my favorite was a character named Kay Tracy. She was young, adventurous, clever and was able to garner support and follow clues to solve every mystery. Then I began collecting comic books. Yes, I liked “Superman” and “Batman” but I also loved “Wonder Woman” and the “Archie” comics with romantic battles between Veronica and Betty to win Archie’s love and attention.

English: Romanian gymnast Nadia Comaneci durin...

English: Romanian gymnast Nadia Comaneci during her practice session for an appearance at the Hartford Civic Center. Français : La gymnaste roumaine Nadia Comaneci photographiée lors d’un entrainement en vue d’une performance dans le XL Center, aux États-Unis. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

 

From an early age I loved watching the Miss America contest and dreamed of someday being as “cool” and “popular” as these ladies. And then I started watching sports, my favorites being ice skating, gymnastics and tennis. I watched Dorothy Hamill dance on ice, Nadia Comaneci and Mary Lou Retton perform “perfect 10” gymnastics routines, and Chris Evert, Billie Jean King and Martina Navratalova display their unique championship tennis styles. Becoming a professor of health and physical education I wanted to emulate their excellence and instill that passion into the hearts and minds of my students.

 

 

My relationship heroes were women who knew how to win the hearts of men. I loved reading all the stories about

Brigitte Bardot à un cocktail en 1968

Brigitte Bardot à un cocktail en 1968 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

the beautiful Elizabeth Taylor, the sensual Sophia Loren, and the very sexy Brigitte Bardot. I wanted to emulate them and have the men swarming around me. And then I read Betty Friedan’s “The Feminine Mystique” and Marilyn French’s The Woman’s Room. Although I did not desire to emulate these authors, I was strongly affected by their perspective on how to become more than just a sex object.

 

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ap790422024 (Photo credit: Waltzzz)

My perspective on love and romance was greatly influenced by the originators of Sex Therapy, Dr. William Masters and Virginia Johnson, when I took their powerful training workshops, the psychologist Dr. Margaret Mahler whose work laid the foundation for my dissertation about the long term relationship effects of mother-infant bonding, and one of my professors, Dr. Mary Calderone, who taught us (in the midst of the Free Love era) that “Love and Sex Go Together.”

The final piece of my hero journey is the spiritual component. This has been influenced by 3 major people in my life.

English: Adi Da sitting with Swami Muktananda.

English: Adi Da sitting with Swami Muktananda. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My first real spiritual guide was the powerful quadriplegic workshop leader Ken Keyes, Jr., author of The Handbook to Higher Consciousness, whose “Living Love” workshops literally changed my life. Years later, one of my yoga students introduced me to Swami Muktananda’s disciple Guru Mayi. Although her main asram was in India, she began teaching her intensives in New York City and then at a beautiful ashram in upstate New York.

I learned from Guru Mayi, first hand, that changing my partner would not change my loving relationship and that the only solution was to change myself and learn to love unconditionally. And finally, I discovered Joel Goldsmith’s Infinite Way. His powerful talks in easy to understand, everyday language and the silent meditations in the groups I attended, brought me to the same depth of meditation without the need to music, chanting, drumming, etc.

All of my heroes, along with many other teachers and mentors and personal life experiences, have brought me to the place of understanding in which I now live.

Who are the heroes that have shaped YOUR life, your capacity for love, your understanding or romance and relationships, and your passionate pursuit of your dreams and goals? Please share with me in the comment box below.

Discover the 9 Love Secrets for Creating Love.

Warmly,

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Dr. Erica Goodstone is a Spiritual Relationship Healing Expert helping men and women heal their bodies and their relationships through love. Having presented her comprehensive relationship healing programs throughout the U.S. and Canada over several decades, she has helped literally 1000's of men and women to heal through learning how to love. Dr. Erica believes "Where There is Love There IS a Way". When you love, accept, listen and pay attention to your body, trust your own sense of what you truly desire, and strive to understand, appreciate and really know the other people in your life, anything and everything is possible.

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36 thoughts on “Your Heroes – How They Affect Your Relationships Today

  1. I often think of myself as becoming a hero in my own business and life. Hero can mean stepping up in life to live more fully, taking more risks and going after more opportunities, or awakening to develop unique gifts and creativity. The hero’s journey is everyone’s journey if we decide to grow and make positive changes. It can mean “showing up” more fully present in relationships. Or taking talents and gifts more seriously and finally taking the time and space to follow a dream.
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  2. Hi Erica. This was a very interesting journey through your heroes. It is amazing how we start out on one path and end some place and end up at another because of the influence of someone else.

    I read Cherry Ames nurse books, Nancy Drew, and the Hardy Boys. I didn’t want to be a detective, but planned to be a nurse from about age 10 until I was a senior in high school, but I changed my mind right before college. I also wanted to be a singer, and I could sing every word on my Dionne Warwick and Barbra Streisand albums.

    I’ve kind of meandered through life, but it’s been a great ride. My current heroes are Jesus Christ and the president of our church, Thomas S. Monson. I was also changed profoundly by our last president, Gordon B. Hinkley.

    This was a fun walk down memory lane. Thanks!

    All the best,
    Leslie
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  3. There are a lot of person who influence our life. good to see the post as how these heroes affect our relationship in current era. For me I myself is Hero for me because whenever I feel down I think of my past and that inspires me a lot. Thanks for the nice post.
    Atish Ranjan recently posted…My Love StoryMy Profile

  4. Hi Dr. Erica,

    Love era? Flower power? Sexual revolution? Many things happened during the last decades and shaped mankind in different ways.

    I like the topic but it is also a difficult one. To analyze yourself and see who were your heroes, those persons who shaped you life, your mind, your soul… .

    I practiced yoga for some years. At that time my heroes were: Gandhi, Tagore, Ramakrishna, Swami Shivananda, Sri Aurobindo, Krishnamurti, Swami Vivekananda and many others.

    Now I like Mother Teresa, the american monk Seraphim Rose, father Silouan the Athonite and Saint Paul the Apostle.

    However, the most important “hero” that shaped and modeled my life both in past and present remains Jesus Christ, our Lord. His message of unconditional love is what matters most for me today.

    Have a wonderful week
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  5. When I was a child I loved to read, and my favourite author was Enid Blyton. Later I discovered L.M. Montgomery, who wrote Anne of Green Gables and the other Anne books. I love her writing style, and was surprised one day when a reader friend told me my writing style is much like hers. Wow!

    Several of my teachers, at school and at church, are also my heroes and have contributed much to who I am today. Especially Janet Armstrong, my Sunday school teacher throughout my teen years. She never told us what to believe, but taught us HOW to form our own conclusions based on what God has said in the scriptures. She was a mother of 5, a university professor, teaching high schoolers at church, and she really made us think!

    Willena
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  6. I love this topic and often share stories of everyday heroes on my own site. My passion is inspiring people to understand the power of resilience, and I’ve found my heroes have always reflected what’s best about that core belief. For example W. Mitchell survived not one, but two horrific accidents that left him scarred and in a wheel chair, but in his own inspiring words, “It’s not what happens to you, it’s what you do about it.”
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  7. Dr. Erica,

    I enjoyed following your hero journey leading to who you are today and what you do.

    In looking in my own life for heros, for the people who have influenced my life, the people I admire – I’d have to say they are the people who have a definitive path on which they travel. I had a friend in high school who always knew he was going to be a doctor, an ob-gyn, always. He’s always had my admiration… and envy.

    People who know what they are up to and where they are going have always been an intrigue for me. Steve Jobs and Richard Branson come to mind, not because of Apple and Virgin, but because they knew/know what their purpose was/is.

    Those are the heros in my life.

    Appreciate you!

    RICK
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    • Rick,

      It is so much easier to live life and move toward fulfilling your dreams when you are clear about what you truly desire and intend to do. Whatever I have been clear about doing, I have done. It is all those vague areas, things have done because someone else said it was valuable or important, rather than decided within my own knowing first.

      I would suggest that you use the passion test, which you teach so well, to know once again what you now really, really, truly want to do and be.

      Warmly,

      Dr. Erica
      Dr. Erica Goodstone recently posted…Your Heroes – How They Affect Your Relationships TodayMy Profile

  8. Love hearing about who your heroes are and why they are who they are. I began to think who my heroes are, some people that are close to me and others I have never met. It is amazing how much of an impact a person can have on another without never physically meeting them or really knowing them.

    -Kyle
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    • Kyle,

      That is so true. None of us has any idea how much we have affected anyone else – and that can be in a positive or negative way. We can encourage people to follow their dreams, just by the words we speak or write. Or, we can discourage another person, fill their mind with doubt and insecurity and even fear.

      Each of us is really important and we need to know that we DO have an effect on the world around us in ways we cannot even imagine.

      Warmly,

      Dr. Erica
      Dr. Erica Goodstone recently posted…Your Heroes – How They Affect Your Relationships TodayMy Profile

  9. Great article Erica, I can’t remember a lot of my heroes like you can! It’s interesting that other people found a hero in their Grandma, because I did also! She was the person I would always confide in first (right from when I was a little girl), she was my best friend because I could tell her anything and she would advise me. But, over the last 10 years my heroes are those who speak through a wonderful lady named Esther Hicks. They teach me in whatever area of life I want teaching in, and whenever I need advice, I can find the answer through them.
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    • Justin,

      Sometimes our heroes are people we don’t even know or someone who has failed and thus inspires us to keep going so we can succeed.

      Heroes do take many different forms and at different times in our life.

      Warmly,

      Dr. Erica

    • Hi,

      Heroes in our life are not always the ones who are outwardly powerful or successful. Sometimes the hero is a person who showed you love, a person who encouraged you at a time when you felt afraid, or someone who was just one step ahead of you on your path toward some achievement or dream.

      Warmly,

      Dr. Erica

    • Wow, JMC. To feel that your grandmother was your hero and meant so much to you. That is wonderful. I would love to know how she influenced you and what was so special about that connection.

      Warmly,

      Dr. Erica

  10. When answering your call to action: I wold have to say that the heroes of my life that shaped my capacity for love, romance and relationships, and your passionate pursuit of my dreams and goals would be a long list.

    First my grandmother, a spunky old gal. She had told me when I was dealing with low self esteem as a teenager how to get a man. She told me that she snatched my grandfather by wearing a tight red dress and “giving him the eye” Then letting him take the steps to court her. Now imagine that was during the 1920’s. What a hoot. But she made me realize I had the “power” to get a man’s attention and not wait around for him to come to me.

    The rest were books. I read every book from Kahlil Gibran which inspired me in so many ways. I also read “Psychology Today” – that magazine prompted my interest of how we tick! I started reading books on Sociology and Psychology at 13.

    I didn’t have any back-up from my family, so I resorted to books and good old grandma!

    -Donna
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    • Donna,

      It seems that “Good Old Grandma” did the job for you. That is a powerful teaching that you have the power to attract, not just to be a helpless victim waiting to be noticed.

      I loved reading Kahlil Gibran’s words, written centuries ago. And for me, getting into my doctoral program opened my eyes to the psychology of love and passion and the blockages that occur from inadequate early bonding experiences.

      Warmly,

      Dr. Erica

  11. I devoured books as soon as I learned to read. The famous 5 and Chalet School spring to mind.from the early days but it was Louisa M Alcott with Little Women and sequels who really inspired me. I read these books many times. We had a lot of old copies of National Geographic at home. These fascinated me and are probably the reason I was determined to travel the world.

    I had childhood crushes on Paul McCartney and later Cat Stevens.. Movie characters I have admired include Robyn William in Dead Poet’s Society and when young I adored Julie Andrew’s in Sound of Music.

    My heroes are people such as Mother Theresa or aid workers who are able to withstand hardship to help others.

    It is my children who have taught me what unconditional love is all about.
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    • Sue,

      I forgot about the joy I had reading “Little Women” and also seeing the movie. And I also loved seeing Julie Andrews in Sound of Music. And I was fascinated by National Geographic images, especially seeing the aborigines, a glimpse into a different world. But the best is that you learned unconditional love from your children.

      Warmly,

      Dr. Erica

  12. Great Article Dr. Erica.
    I don’t really have any “heroes” per say, I have a collection of thoughts and ideas that I pulled together from many sources, all different authors and viewpoints. The main thing I look to bring to a relationship is the willingness to bear anything that comes with the person I am in that relationship with. My first experience in dating was a really rough one. I had a rather abusive relationship, but as my sole purpose was to learn to take the person as they came and not change them, I just kept taking it in and letting it go.
    This girl would hit full strength for saying one word “out-of-line” and these weren’t typical slaps on the wrist, she was hitting me at the back of my head. There were even days where she would buckle my knees just for the thrill. Me, being as kindhearted and loving as I could be, would just blow it off as simple immaturity and childish behavior because she was 16, and I didn’t expect her to act any differently.
    Yes, the abuse was a bad situation to be in, but my heart was completely set. I wouldn’t let her go unless she let me go, no matter how bad things got between us. I dealt with this for 2 years without reacting, but my outside self didn’t always show my inner self. The me inside was rotting away with the grief that she would never even begin to imagine the amount of love that I had for her. Even her immediate family members said they wouldn’t have been able to deal with her behavior for as long as I did. I mean, it got to the point where I am now paranoid whenever someone raises their hand in an aggressive manner toward me I flinch.
    I have since got into a much better, more loving relationship with another girl and I haven’t been happier in my entire twenty years, as far as I can remember. I have a good job, on my way to getting my second promotion there, and trying to get started heavily on my online business, I have a stronger will to carry on from day to day now than I did then. I thank my new girl, and God for giving me the chance to improve my life so much. It is the greatest thing to ever happen to me, and I adore every living moment. Thanks for your time.

    • Ashton,

      Sometimes we have to immerse our self in something painful, something that we ultimately do NOT want in order to discover, from the inside out, what we DO want. You said “my insides were rotting.” Imagine if you just stayed in a painful and abusive relationships that you would literally make yourself sick. But you endured it long enough to have finally realized that this is not what you want or need. Congratulations on choosing and finding a more loving partner to help you feel loved and valued.

      Thank you for sharing your special and personal story.

      Warmly,

      Dr. Erica

  13. Very interesting to read about your heroes ,Erika
    I have been a lot of books as child ,no comics or things like this ,I was never intersted.My mother had a lot of good books and I have been reading them.
    We lived out side of town and my hero was and is the nature.Later I have been living in another land and culture and I studied different religion practised islam for a while to get the feeling for it and read whatever I could find about ,the different Bibles,Koran and Hadis, Awesta, Torah about Bhudda and Hindus .
    And what the scientists found out about.I learned through the different politics how people get manipulated and how to take care not to get in to this. Back in Germany were I found its not a place I like anymore,I got introduced from a friend who was a sannyasin of Osho and because I was not biased from the media and knew the Asian soul ,I like what he teaches and I saw some people do not understand and he was the sex guru for them.
    I read a lot of books politics,psychology,physic ,medicine,mystic,some of my friends call me the walking library.But finally still my hero is the nature.
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    • Erika,

      I love your response that your hero is Nature. For me, being in natural surroundings is healing and comforting, but I guess I have looked toward people, leaders, trend setters, as my heroes. Now I am guided by my spirituality and my own inner knowing.

      Warmly,

      Dr. Erica

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